Pretty Broken Butterfly Excerpts

There’s A Reason For Warning Signs

Charlie | The Past

A Year and a Half Ago

There’s always that one part in a movie or a book that grabs a hold of your guts and doesn’t let go. It’s the first hint that your emotions are about to be damaged from a betrayal you never saw coming. You’re unable to pull your eyes away because you just have to ride full speed ahead to the wreck you know is about to happen.

That’s the best part about those stories—the impact from the collision and the feelings you’re left with when everything comes to a standstill. They all rush you at warp speed, battering against your heart for a way in. When you’re a seeker of angst—an emotional masochist as my best friend Amelia likes to call me—you permit them entrance so that they’ll make you feel alive.

It’s different when it’s your story.

I live my life to the fullest without regret or an apology. You’re only given one of them, so I vowed the day we lost my sister that I’d cram as much into the years I had on this Earth as I could. My heart always stays open to any experience that is thrown my way, and I embrace them wholeheartedly.

Normally.

Normally, I would embrace them without reservation.

“Girl, are you finally ready to go to this party and relax?” Amelia asks, bouncing up and down on her feet. “You’ve been busting your ass between school and work.”

Pieces of my curly lavender hair flutter around my face when I blow out a breath. “Yeah. Keaton is excited for us to spend time together tonight. The last few weeks we’ve been busy with final exams and shit that it feels like we haven’t seen each other in forever.”

Amelia’s gray eyes widen. “It’s that bad? You two live together, though.”

“We do, but the only thing we have time for when we get off work is shower, sex, and sleep.” After touching up my mascara, I toss it on the vanity and turn to her. “I know it’ll get better after graduation. We’ll finally be finished with college, so we’ll have a lot more free time.”

There must have been a bug going around campus. That’s got to be what this churning in my stomach is. I’ve been fighting it for the last few hours, to no avail.

“Charlie, are you okay?”

Not wanting to miss out on the chance to spend time with Keaton and our friends, I paste a smile on my face. “I’m good. How do I look?”

Amelia’s lips curl into a devious smirk. “Oh, I can’t wait to see Keaton’s reaction when he gets a good look at you. That boy will throw you over his shoulder and cart you off to the first available empty room.”

I giggle as her words create a short film in my head. Keaton and I definitely have no problem in that department. The chemistry between us has always been combustible. We were sixteen when we finally took each other’s virginity. We had fooled around a lot before then, but we just never let it get that far.

I met Keaton after we moved next door to him. My fifth birthday was a few days later, and I was excited that I had someone I could invite. My sister was only two, so she wasn’t as fun to play with. I finally had someone my age, and it didn’t even matter to me that he was a gross boy. It took us a while to warm up to each other, but after he came to my party, we became best friends. He had turned five a week before I did and it was the coolest thing ever because we celebrated every birthday after that with a dual party. We became best friends, fell in love, became a couple when we were fourteen, and became lovers at sixteen. Here we are, both twenty-two and about to graduate from college. Then we’re going to get a house, start our careers, get married, and eventually, we’ll start a family. It’s been one of our biggest dreams since we got fake married at eight years old.

Not much longer to go before we get started on them.

“Let’s hope so. That boy’s sexting powers are ridiculous. He had me all hot and bothered while I was serving customers and nearly had to go to the bathroom to take care of myself.”

Snatching the keys to our apartment off the hook and double-checking that I’ve got my phone, I lock up and meet Amelia at the bottom of the stairs.

“Ohhh. You naughty little butterfly,” she teases, walking backward so she can see me. “How in the heck do two people who’ve only ever slept with each other get to be so filthy?”

“Porn, my friend. Lots and lots of porn,” I quip with a wink.

My words make her stumble, and she almost falls on her ass, which has me clutching my stomach as my laughter rings out around us.

She dusts her hands together and shakes her head at me with mock sorrow. “Your poor innocence has been stolen.”

“Well, yeah. Look at who my best friend is.”

“Why I never.”

We settle into a quiet conversation about classes and she spills the tea on all the juicy gossip she heard today.

I’m glad I wore my sandals instead of the freaking three-inch heels Amelia was trying to get me to wear with this dress. I’d be eating concrete before we even make it to David’s party.

As soon as the loud music and the raucous laughter from a bunch of drunk college kids find my ears, I send off a text to Keaton to let him know I’m here.

By the time we make it up the porch, he still hasn’t replied, and that bug is making my stomach roll again.

There’s a reason for warning signs.

A yellow stoplight warns you to slow down because traffic is about to stop, the flammable symbols that warn you of chemicals and gasses that may catch fire when exposed to air or another ignition source, or the skull and crossbones that warn you of chemicals that can cause damage to your health or a fatality at even a low exposure. The yellow and red flags at the ocean give you swimming warnings and the sneaky way your significant other hides their phone sends out a red warning flag of suspicious behavior.

They’re all around you every day, urging you to pay attention to them so that you can prevent being harmed.

My body, or maybe it’s my soul, has been sending me warning signs all day, but I’ve denied their validity.

It’s a mistake I’ll be sure to never make again.

Can Anyone Join This Party?

Charlie | The Past

I should have noticed the red flags in the malicious smirks of the mean bitches’ clique when I started looking around for Keaton. When I asked if they’d seen him, their gleeful answers that he’s somewhere with Rianna were another warning I should have heeded.

But why would I?

They’ve spent our entire four years of college trying to be cool by being the biggest bitches they could be. I chalked this up to just another of those times.

“Come on, Char. Let’s go find him,” Amelia yells, grabbing my hand and pulling me away from them.

She’s been my best friend long enough to spot the signs of my impending rage. Even nice people have a breaking point and I’m about at it with these girls.

We fight our way through the gyrating bodies and the many drunken people staggering all over the place. The floor vibrates from the bass of the music, tempting me to join in and let loose, but Amelia drags me behind her before I get the chance to give in. They have replaced the normal light bulbs throughout the house with black lights that turn everything into a trippy neon glow.

As we pass the game room, the sweet skunk smell of marijuana teases my nostrils. Another temptation I don’t get the chance to indulge in.

What the hell?

“Hey.” I yank my hand, pulling us to a stop. “You said I’m supposed to be letting loose and having fun. Why do you keep pulling me away from all the good shit?”

“So we can find your boy.”

I roll my eyes. “You heard them. He’s with Rianna. Like always. He knows I’m here because I sent him a text as soon as we walked up. Keaton will find me when his damn friend takes her claws out of him.”

Shit. I can even hear the bitterness in my voice.

Rianna has been an issue between us since they became friends in the last semester of our junior year here. I didn’t have any problem with it at first. Those didn’t start until about two months into their friendship, when I realized she had feelings for Keaton. I brought it up to him, but he brushed it off, telling me he’s sure I was imagining it. That crap pissed me off, and I wasn’t afraid to let him know it. He apologized and since I could tell he was actually sorry for what he said; I let it be. It wasn’t long after that the bitch started her biting remarks that she played off as jokes. Saying I’m insecure, that I’m jealous of the friendship they shared because I just couldn’t see a male and female being platonic friends. The one that really got me angry is when she would ‘joke’ about her being in love with him, which let me know Keaton told her what I said. Things became tense between me and him for a few weeks after that. I knew it was killing him as much as it was me, but he’s the one that put us in that position to begin with. Then one morning, he rolled over in bed and held me to him while apologizing and promised to fix it.

To give him credit, he did. Or at least he tried.

He wouldn’t hang out with Rianna as much, and their conversations became less frequent. We were good again. We were the Charlie and Keaton that we used to be and our relationship only got stronger.

A few months later, she showed up at our apartment, crying her eyes out. Saying she was sorry, that she never meant to make me feel like she was replacing me. She promised she didn’t have feelings for him, which I knew was a lie, but since I was curious about where she was going with this, I let her continue. Rianna said it would be ridiculous to even think Keaton could replace me because he loved me too much. I was all he talked about when they were together, apparently. Against my better judgment, after talking with Keaton, they started hanging out more again. He’s never really given me a reason not to trust him and he’s never given me any red flags that he feels anything more for her than friendship. Unless he’s just really freaking good at hiding them. She’s never shown her ass toward me around him and when she does, when he’s not around, I don’t give her the satisfaction of even mentioning it to him and driving a wedge between us. Because that’s what she wants. He’s never taken her side on anything again and he continues to put me first, so I honestly don’t have an issue with him. I’d rather him find a different best friend, but it’s not my place to control him and what he does.

“Fuck that bitch.” Amelia’s lips pull back from her teeth into a snarl. “Let’s go take him away from her because we both know once he sees you, he’s going to forget all about her for the rest of the night.”

With a sigh, I take off ahead of her, knowing she won’t give up until she gets her way.

After having no luck finding him upstairs or down here, we head outside. Bodies are crammed into the pool, some of them naked, some semi-naked, but most of them clothed. The musty scent of alcohol is strong in the air from all the cups and bottles that surround us.

“Yo, Char. Looking good, babe. You two go grab some swimsuits from the pool house and join us.”

There’s something in David’s eyes that unsettles me, but when Amelia squeals beside me, I know there’s no sense in saying no, so I give him a tight smile and a nod.

David Baladucci is the big guy on campus. He’s got so much money that he could wipe his ass with it every day and still not go broke. People flock to him because they want what he’s got, and he soaks it up greedily. The teachers pass him because they know if they don’t, his parents will have them out of a job faster than they can blink, and Dean Wilcox lets him get away with whatever he wants for the same reason. He’s also a cocky jerk and I can’t stand him. The boy swears he can have any girl he wants just by being who he is and smiling that wicked smile at them. The sad fact is that he’s right. There’s only a handful of girls on campus that he’s probably not been with. Me and Amelia included. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t try with me or her. That I’ve been in a relationship with Keaton for the last eight years matters nothing to him. By most standards, he’s not a bad guy. He’s not some evil person, he’s just…an asshole, and his entire attitude rubs me the wrong way, which is why we’re constantly giving each other shit.

“Come on, Amelia. Keaton will find me. He always does. Let’s get changed, join the rest of them, and fucking party.”

A tingle starts in my chest as we head over to the pool house. Glancing around, I scrunch my nose at the couples that are having sex in whatever place they can find. It’s always like this at David’s parties. I don’t think I’ve been to one of his that wasn’t wild as hell.

Streaks of fiery pain shoot through my jaw from the way my teeth gnaw on the inside of my cheek.

But there’s something running through me.

Something I’m unable to identify.

Where the hell is Keaton?

My fingers rap against my leg in time with the bass from the music.

“Dude, someone that has never been here before would swear they’ve walked straight into a porno,” I exclaim when I pull open the door and catch the loud moans from inside.

Amelia laughs, following me through the door, but she bumps into me when my body stiffens and I stop moving.

The sluggish beats of my heart in my weighted chest make it difficult to breathe.

I cock my head as I listen, using the pain in my palms from my nails to keep me grounded.

That groan.

My head twists back and forth on my shoulders as my chest caves in. Heat builds in my face as I try to fend off the tears that are threatening to fall.

He wouldn’t. There’s no way he would.

Flinching when Amelia’s hand falls to my shoulder, I suck in a sharp breath, struggling to get it through my tight throat.

“Char, what’s going on?” she whispers like she already knows but doesn’t want to admit.

The groan comes again and my body jerks.

Shaking my head, my eyes glued to the room beyond us I’ve yet to see into, I take a step back as my feet urge me to run.

Amelia’s fingers tighten on my shoulder, and she leans down to my ear. “Not yet. Don’t you dare break yet. Remember who you are, Char. You’ve stood up to people who have tried to hurt you all your life. This isn’t any different. Straighten your damn spine, confront them, and then…then I’ll get you out of here and hold you while you break.”

My eyes fall closed during her speech as my body shuts down. Blessed numbness settles deep into my core until there’s nothing left inside me. I’m a walking fucking void and he’s the reason.

They’re the reason.

Because there is only one person who would be in there with him.

Straightening my posture, I nod so that she knows I heard her. The feminine moans batter against the iced wall I’ve built around me, but they don’t even crack it.

Rianna’s maliciously triumphant eyes clash with mine as soon as I clear the open doorway. Her legs are wrapped around his waist as he anchors her against the wall. Keaton thrusts into her brutally, his face buried in her neck, his hands holding onto her ass.

She smirks, running her fingers through his hair, and lets out an exaggerated moan. “Yeah, baby. Just like that. You like fucking my pussy, don’t you, baby?”

“Shut up,” he mutters, his hips never easing up.

Well, there’s no way in hell that I’d be able to mistake who is banging her now.

One day when I’m not so broken and I can let feelings in, I’ll be able to look back on this moment and be proud of the way I stayed as calm as I do.

Her eyes narrow at the casual way I lean against the wall and smirk back. Amelia takes up a place on the other side and we both watch as my boyfriend rams his dick into someone who isn’t me.

I’ve been intimate with this fucking asshole since we were sixteen, so I can read his body language and know when he’s about to find his release.

Oh, no, honey. That ain’t going to happen.

“Tell me, can anyone join this party, or is it two people only?” I drawl.

Emotional Masochist, Indeed.

Charlie | The Past

Keaton’s head and body jerks up so fast that he pulls out of Rianna and she falls to the floor. Strangely, I’m able to find that so funny that a laugh rips from my chest. At least until I get a look at Keaton’s dick and see that he has no condom on.

That has the first crack appearing in the ice surrounding me.

“Charlie,” he chokes out, his horror-filled eyes growing wet.

Holding up a hand, I roll my eyes. “Save me the tears, asshole. Don’t pretend you feel bad about cheating on me now.” I shake my head with a caustic laugh that makes him flinch. “You act like this surprises me. It was only a matter of time, Keaton. You’re so goddamn blind to her that me…the person you’ve been with for eight years doesn’t matter.”

“Don’t say that. You matter. You’re the only one that matters.”

Amelia laughs. “Dude. The fact that you’re standing in front of her with your dick still hanging out from fucking that skank ass over there, I’d say you’re full of shit.”

He shoots Amelia an angry glare after pulling up his jeans. “Not your business.”

“Oh, but it is,” I snap. “She’s my best friend.” I cock my head. “Funny enough, I’m not going to fuck her, though.”

I find very little delight in the way his eyes shatter because, unlike him, I’m not out to hurt him, no matter how much my soul is begging for me to. There is no way I will stoop to that level.

“You definitely should, Char. I’d have you forgetting this douchebag’s name in a heartbeat. I’ll eat that pussy so good, baby,” Amelia croons and I can’t stop the laughter when I glance over and see her licking her lips.

The color drains from Keaton’s face at her words, the thought more than he can handle.

Yeah. Welcome to my world, bud.

A blur of red from the corner of my eye has my head jerking in that direction. Rianna is finally climbing to her feet, the triumph that was in her eyes earlier nowhere in sight. She lost her luster when I didn’t give her the reaction she was looking for.

“He’s all yours. I don’t want him anymore.”

Lies.

Stupid fucking heart.

“No, I’m not. I’m not hers, Charlie. I’m yours. Have been since we were five,” he says.

I stare at the tears that run down his cheeks. There was a time that witnessing this boy cry would bring me to my knees because I know from experience that he only ever does it when something eats at his soul. I obviously don’t know as much as I thought, because it’s all a lie. Everything about us.

We’re no longer Charlie Henderson and Keaton Carr. Char and Kea. Butterfly and her keeper.

All we are now are broken dreams and memories burned to ash.

“I hate you,” I whisper as another crack appears in the ice that’s been protecting me.

Keaton falls to his knees, and I watch dispassionately as his shoulders shake with his silent sobs. Rianna shuffles to his side and runs her fingers through his hair.

Why is he acting like he’s the one with a broken heart? I wasn’t the one caught having sex with someone that isn’t my long-term boyfriend. I’m not the one that broke promises and told lies.

Strictly platonic.

Another crack in the ice and a warm tendril brushes against my skin, coaxing me out to feel the pain.

I glance over at Amelia and as soon as she sees my face, she can read the desperation on it.

Just a few minutes longer.

They don’t get the pleasure of seeing me break.

And I will too. I’ll shatter into a million tiny pieces that will never be put together correctly again.

Because sometimes, even strong people are broken and broken people are strong.

It’s time to put an end to this.

Rianna is still running her fingers through his hair and the fact that he hasn’t pulled away from her has my teeth grinding together.

Oh, fuck this.

Marching over, I don’t even think. I grab a fistful of hair with one hand and lash out with the curled fist of the other, connecting with her face. She drops to the floor crying, blubbering useless nonsense while holding a hand over her nose.

The corners of my mouth quirk up at the bright red droplets that fall from between her fingers.

At least she’s not got them in his hair anymore.

“The least you could do is look at me, coward,” I snap at the top of his head.

Huh. Seems someone else lost their light. Poor, poor Keaton Carr.

“Just in case it wasn’t already clear, we’re over. An eight-year relationship and sixteen years of friendship just…gone. I told you,” I stop at the coolness of the first tear gliding down my face. “I told you about her. I warned you, Keaton. Even when I told you I still didn’t trust her shitty sob story. It didn’t matter to you. I didn’t matter to you. So much love, Kea. I had so much love for you. I was so much in love with you. Deeply, insanely. It’s funny how quickly that goes away.”

“No,” he whispers, his voice cracked and broken.

I smile at him sadly. “Yes. My heart is thankfully empty right now. I truly hope it was worth it. I hope her nasty snatch was worth throwing our entire lives away. The heartbreaking thing is that you didn’t just desecrate our relationship.” I smack a palm against my chest. “Me, Keaton. You fucking annihilated me. But you don’t get to see that. Neither of you do. I’ll leave here and I’ll erase you from my life. I’ll heal and I’ll move on. You, though,” I pause, reaching out to cup his cold cheek. “You get to live the rest of your life knowing that you broke us. For her. You broke us to get your dick wet by someone who was a strictly platonic friend. I hope it eats you alive every day wondering where I’m at, what I’m doing.” My fingers drift to his chin and I grasp it between my index and thumb tightly as I lean closer and whisper, “Who I’m doing,” before releasing him and wiping my hand against my leg. “Stay here with her, Keaton. She obviously means more to you than I do. I’m going to the apartment and packing my things. At least have it in you to respect me that much. Give me time to do that and then I don’t give a crap when you go back there.”

I take them both in one last time and toss a grenade to further damage their little world. “You might want to get an STD test done, Carr. At David’s party two weeks ago, she had a train run on her by six other dudes and a few of them went unprotected. I overheard Jacob Williams bitching to one of the other dudes about getting tested because there was a milky discharge coming from his dick and his nuts were swollen. Just in case you didn’t pay attention in health class, those are all symptoms of chlamydia.”

His eyes fill with horror as his head swivels in her direction and her face flushes crimson, those ugly eyes of her full of guilt.

Ah, the consequences of your actions.

Such sweet satisfaction.

It’s the truth too. While there’s nothing wrong with a woman, or a man, having multiple sex partners at the same time, the smart thing to do is to wrap it up or get tested beforehand. A lesson that Keaton was about to take a crash course in if Jacob was telling the truth.

I can’t stick around any longer.

The few steps I take toward the door are wobbly and my body trembles, but before I break, Amelia is there, curling her arm around my waist to hold me up.

“Just a few minutes longer, Char,” she whispers. “I’ve got you.”

The door to the pool house clicks shut behind us and it’s only then that I lean over and empty the contents of my stomach.

“G-g-get m-m-me home,” I stammer as my teeth chatter.

We’re almost out the side gate when David comes strutting up to us and blocks our way.

“Move.”

Amelia’s bark startles me so badly that I almost fall. I’ve never heard that tone from her before.

David steps up to me and reaches out to cup my cheek. “I know you think I’m an asshole, Char. I normally am, but I wasn’t intentionally being one this time. You needed to know, and you’d only believe it if you saw it. I’m sorry that you’re in pain. I’d never want that for you, but you deserve better. You deserve to be put first and as long as she is around, you’d never have that.”

“Oh, how selfless of you. You were just doing it out of the kindness of your black heart, huh?” Amelia snarls.

“No, Mel. Not out of the kindness of my heart, but for the kindness in hers. That nasty bitch in there will never let him go and Charlie would never make her because she wouldn’t hurt Keaton that way.” He shrugs. “This was the only way.”

He leans forward and brushes his warm lips against my forehead and if I wasn’t looking directly at Amelia, I would have missed the flash of pain in her eyes when he did it.

Seems my ex isn’t the only one keeping secrets.

“Find peace, Charlie.”

“Let’s go,” Amelia growls.

She grabs my hand and pulls us through the gate just as the pool house door bursts open and Keaton rushes out, screaming my name.

When David steps in front of him to bar him from reaching me, I turn away.

Too little, too late, my dragon.

This is one experience I don’t want to embrace.

This is one story that I should have closed the book on.

Emotional masochist, indeed.